I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She announced her abortion via fbk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
