An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
