So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
