so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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