quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
