I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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