Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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