I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
