Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
