Already got asked if we're dating
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
