i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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