ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
