So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
