like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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