I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
