so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
