Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
