im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
