I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
