Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize