i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
