This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
