I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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