I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
