I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
