you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
