The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
