Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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