he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
