is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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