I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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