I'm eating all of the evidence.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
