I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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