There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
kristin has been a bad kristin
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
