i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
