his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
