So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
