I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
