I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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