I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
