Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
