coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
