Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
