it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
