you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
