"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
