Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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