i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
