he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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