It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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