I hope mine doesn't look like that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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