Can Purell be used as lube?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
