Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
