not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
