yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
