i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
