I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i believe in u and ur pee
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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