the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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