i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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