Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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