this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
