so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
