you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
