His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
