i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
