tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
