Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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